Secure in my insecurities...

I honestly have no idea why 90% of the time I feel like I am going to fail. I have lived a modest but successful life so far. I served 3 years in the Army never garnering one negative counseling statement. I have great relationships with my family. Enjoy very close friendships with all of my friends. I've done many a lot of things most people would never do. Been in life threatening situations and have come out the other side unscathed. Yet, whenever I think about the future I only see failure. In my last relationship, my girlfriend would always ask me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life now that I was out of the Army. The answer was always the same, I don't know. The truth of the matter being that everything I ever find myself being interested I just find how it can fail. Right now, I want to go to school when I get back. I have researched it and decided on many of the things I need to do to make it happen. Still in my mind though, I can only see myself failing at it and my life going nowhere. And it's not only that. Some of you may not know but I used to be engaged to a lovely young woman. We were 1 month away from being married when I decided I wasn't ready. At the time I gave some excuse about how it happened too fast and that I wasn't the man I needed to be. In reality I feel that maybe I was ready but I was just mind blowingly afraid of it failing. Of being divorced at 23. I couldn't bear the thought. So, I let the fear take over and I bounced. Eventually, we broke up and I still think about it. It's not that life has ever treated me bad. I have gotten a few bad breaks here but just the thought of failing keeps me in my shell. Maybe one day I will get over them. Until then I'll just stay here in my shell waiting for the world to collapse around me.

Anthony