Salvation from the most unlikely places...

Being contemplative is a trait I rarely make use of. It's not that I don't try to think about my life all that much. It's more or less that I've developed an attitude of acceptance. I just happen to accept all outcomes of my life. So, tonight while I was working out it somewhat startled me when I started to think about how my life has changed drastically since this time last year.
Last summer was probably the hardest summer I had ever endured, including the year I spent in Baghdad before it was a safe place. I was lost inside myself. Stuck in a life that didn't seem to be living. I was involved in a relationship that had lost all sense of connection and love. Parading around in a hollow shell of what it used to be. The promise that was my future became a grave of unseen expectations. Everyday was spent in the same haze of self torture. Doubt, regret, and despair were my only companions.
I was working at a nowhere job for a pinch above minimum wage. Though I love my brother dearly I envied him so much for having the life I thought I would have. I hated myself for what I became. Perhaps I put too much weight on my shoulders or I never fully recovered from the emotional scares of my first tour. Whatever the case my life was going no where.
In October I received a call from my reserves unit out of Vallejo. They alerted me that I was on a list to possibly be sent to Iraq. This was the absolute last thing I wanted. Despondent I took off early from work to go home and contemplate whether or not I was going to volunteer.
I didn't leave the Army because I sucked at it. In fact it was quite the opposite. I served 3 years very honorably never once garnering any kind of negative counseling. I just realized that the soldier's life as noble as it is, wasn't for me. But at the same time, my time in the Army was the only time my life made sense or had a purpose. Struggling with this I spent most of the day talking with my then girlfriend and parents about my choice. Seeing that maybe this was an opportunity to get my life back on track I decided to roll the dice. I was told that I was going to deploy in January to Fort Hood then to Iraq a few months after that.
This decision turned out to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It gave me purpose and pride that I had lost for a few years. I have gained some great friends through this deployment. E Rock, Shaun, Jayson, Chris and everyone else have helped me see the future for what it could be, and how to get there. Through this deployment I was able to get out of my self destructive relationship. Though I won't be staying in the Army when I return home, I will be forever indebted to it for saving me from myself. Of showing me who I could become and how to get there.

Anthony